Friday, February 13, 2015

Baby steps.

So, um...like a dog with it's tail tucked in between it's legs, I'm back here.  I couldn't get the hang of the Tumblr thing.  So, why am I back? Well, because I have come to the realization that writing it down as a to-do or goal prior to completion or checking it off after completion is very satisfying to me.  So rather than bore my facebook peeps with every run, ride and check in from the gym or other workout facility, I needed a place that could hold me accountable for my goals.

Right now, these goals are just things that have been swimming in my head for some time, sometimes, it burns in my gut to do this.  I mention them ever so briefly to my husband or friends but not long enough to really make them REAL.  Why is that you ask?  Well...because I'm terrified to commit to them.  If I write them down, if I have a discussion about planning for it, if I get buy in from my family and support from my friends...well, then I have to COMPLETE it.  So what's the issue?  Isn't that the whole point?

Well, yeah but I'm not going to lie...failure is a scary thing.  I've seen it eye to eye and although I've come out of it on the other side and the teachings of failure are the most valuable, it really sucks.

I know that successes only come from many prior failures.  I've seen every quote, meme and ecard on the subject.  I believe them wholeheartedly.  That doesn't make it any easier to swallow when it happens.  The things you learn from it, the strength you draw from failure all come AFTER.  At that moment however, you feel like shit.  You especially feel crappy when you know it's coming and you can't turn it around.  And even worse about disappointing the ones that have been supporting and sacrificing on your behalf.

See, this goal requires a pretty good time commitment.  Time is sparse in a household of two working parents of 4 children.  Two of which are in their middle school years and the other in toddler/preschool stages (1 in diapers!!).  It's going to take a village y'all and a whole LOT of buy-in from the hubby especially!

Nevertheless, the point of setting a goal is to conquer the fear.  Hit it head on with the strength you pulled from the last failure. Right?  So that's why I am here again.  I am here so that this can be my venue, my audience, my notepad of accountability if you will.  I am here so that I can write down my successes, frustrations and a-ha moments along the way to achieve this (these) goal(s).

A former co-worker always reminded me when we were given a monumental task to accomplish: "How do you eat an elephant?" "Well, one bite at a time"  That will be my approach for this.  I don't have an exact set date or "when", I have a general idea of the "how" and I definitely know the why and what:

Because...I KNOW I can...IRONMAN.

Stay tuned for more courageous steps into this direction.